I am realizing this issue of self-acceptance is the foundation in which we build our lives on. It needs to be taught because no one is born with the capacity to accept themself. I often say, “how you feel about yourself matters.” Not because I am promoting some self-indulgent, entitled attitude but because it really does matter. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. We reveal how we feel about ourselves everyday just by opening our mouths.

It matters to us because it matters to Jesus. He modeled such a beautiful example of what it means to love and accept yourself. If you think about it, Jesus did not have any coping or defense mechanisms, nor did He operate out of survival or self-preservation. He was fully present, fully authentic and fully human. He felt every emotion and experienced rejection, abandonment (even by His own family), misunderstanding and abuse without ever losing sight of who He was. He didn’t man-please, withhold truth, crash other people’s boundaries, manipulate, passively communicate nor did he seek revenge, withhold love or engage in petty paybacks. If we look at His life, it would seem He had every right. He was so aligned with His Father and “only did what He saw the Father doing.”

Loving Others as we Love Ourselves

We want to get this right. We want to love ourselves so we can purely and powerfully love others. It is our oneness with Jesus that is going to change the world, that is going to have the most impact and be the best mirror image of who Jesus is. It’s what He planned for us to do, so He gave us everything we need to live this out. It’s our life journey.

There is a line in the sand between bondage and freedom. Learning to love yourself is the vital step that needs to be taken in order to cross the line. We are a new creation. It is the old self that we must daily die to, meaning we no longer operate out of our coping and defense mechanisms, our self-preservation and survival tactics. We must be able to separate the two out; the self that cooperates with the enemy and all of the selfishness that comes with it versus the self that is aligned with our new creation, our eternal self. Paul says, “For me to live is Christ.”

Walking in Self-Acceptance

So how do we walk into self-acceptance? The first step is having the humility to celebrate our smallness, our inadequacy apart from Him. Humility is not equated with a low self-esteem, rather it is described as an internal frame of heart that results from seeing ourselves the way we really are. It’s never prideful to love ourselves in light of who God says we are, we are justified by Another. The problem with pride is not that it sees the self but that it sees the self wrongly. Self hatred isn’t a substitute for humility, it’s a form of pride. It communicates the cross was not enough and our goodness is a great addition. It’s very hard for us to realize and acknowledge we have nothing to add, we want to feel as though we have some hand in shaping God’s view of ourselves. We want to somehow earn our reputation, work hard for it. This keeps us in the driver’s seat instead of the passenger seat where humility places us in our proper place before God. He did for us what we could not do for ourselves.

The million dollar question is always, “what do I need to do?” The answer is simple but for some very difficult: walk in the Spirit living in the present moment, always looking to Christ , always practicing His presence, always moving in step with Him. Many want the answer to be something different, something they can “do.” It requires a humble heart that surrenders who we are to receive healing. I was sharing this with a friend and I loved her response, “the driver’s seat is where the control is because that’s where the shame is.” We mistakenly and gravely misconstrue humility interpreting it as not having what it takes to experience healing. We “should” all over ourselves when it is His presence and our surrender – letting go – that ushers in freedom.