One of my greatest privileges as a counselor is to walk with people through healing of the parts of their heart that have been wounded or traumatized. The work that I do involves engaging with your heart; becoming aware of how you are feeling and discovering what is preventing you from walking in freedom. As with any traumatic event, there are some crucial elements involved to successfully process through trauma without it creating a landing pad or form faulty values or belief systems in the child’s life, thus wreaking havoc later on. When they are seen, heard, validated and not left on their own, they are able to then process the trauma and move on.

Standing Strong

As I’ve stated before, within every one of us lies our inner child (always more than one and at several different ages), specifically the wounded inner child(ren) that are waiting to experience this process so they can become unstuck in their trauma. It doesn’t require that we go back through all of the trauma but rather we rescue the inner child from the belief system that is keeping them in this state. Sometimes the pain is too great and in that case, Jesus is wonderful at lifting the pain and shame that is eclipsing the connection. Always introducing His presence alone brings the healing needed.

Recurring Theme

Interestingly as I have worked with clients, what I have found is a recurring theme over the years and it particularly shows up when they are faced with rescuing their inner child (belief system). The recurring theme is they have no idea how to show up for themselves. They have no idea what to say to their inner child and no idea how to connect. For many, the pain is too great to connect. There is no judgement in this observation as I have experienced this myself in my own personal healing journey.

Many of us have buried these parts of our heart for so long we are strangers to them. As I look back, I see that as I went through this process, I was no different. I didn’t know how to extend grace, empathy or compassion to myself but instead I was frustrated that I kept running up against this same issue and instead of turning and extending compassion finding out what my inner child needed, I wanted to shove it back down so that it wouldn’t bother me again. But we know neurologically we are not wired that way. Unprocessed trauma continues to rear it’s ugly head at the most inopportune times with knee-jerk reactions or overreactions. In the healing process I learned the value of asking Jesus to let His compassion flow through me so I could respond compassionately to those wounded parts of my heart.

Cause and Effect

When we are raised in a perfectionistic, critical or chaotic house, we have not learned the skills to self-soothe or to extend grace to ourselves. Our natural default is to condemn. We often dismiss our own needs evidenced by a lack of boundaries, believing for others but not for ourselves or giving great advice we ourselves can’t follow. It’s in these instances that we abandon ourselves for a diminished outcome.

Jesus died to set us free. He didn’t die to set your neighbor free and you were overlooked but that is often how we live. You might want to argue the point that it’s better to give than receive to not love your own life and to even love your neighbor. All of that has it’s place but it must first start with you. Living to please others is called bondage. Galatians 5:1 says: “At last we have freedom, for Christ has set us free! We must always cherish this truth and firmly refuse to go back into the bondage of our past” (Gal 5:1 TPT).

Practice Steps

Showing up for yourself requires practicing the fruit of the Spirit to our own heart personally. As we do this, we are able to love others more freely without reservation because we have learned to care for our heart. It always starts with the heart and it always starts with ourselves. I love to celebrate with my clients when they show up for themselves and I love to point it out, “Good job, way to show up for yourself and take care of your heart.” They are able to experience freedom when they take a stand, set a boundary, speak the truth in love or remain true to themselves when responding to others.

As you take inventory of your ability to show up for yourself, how are you doing? We are in a difficult cultural phenomena of “go along to get along” making it very confusing, difficult or risky to show up for yourself and stay true to your values and beliefs. You are not alone in this. Jesus said He would always be with you and that means even in the times when you are standing alone.

Defining Steps

There are some defining steps you can take as you are learning to show up for yourself. In fact, until you do, it’s very hard to live from your true self. From the you that God created. After all, you are His idea. You are fully loved, wanted, accepted and He has deposited into you everything you need to live in relationship with Him. Check out 2 Peter 1:3-11 TPT.

1. Psalm 139 reminds us that Jesus is intimately aware of us and He reads our heart like an open book. Even when you are not aware of yourself, He is aware of you. Pray for wisdom and insight. Ask Him to let His light shine in the dark places of your heart.
2. Practice transparency and authenticity in your own heart. Be honest with yourself, identifying what you are experiencing and how you feel about it. If you are not used to doing this, it may take some time so give yourself some grace, it’s worth the effort.
3. Every small step is a powerful step. Read 2 Peter 1:3-11 and study the blueprint for your life.
4. Take time to figure out what’s really bothering you. Become a student of yourself; your likes and dislikes. What are your beliefs and values? How do they line up with your blueprint?
5. Don’t allow others to define you. Sometimes going along to get along requires you to abandon your true self to be accepted. This never leads to life but rather bondage.

I am celebrating with you as you step into living from God’s blueprint, learning to show up for yourself, and becoming a student of your likes and dislikes so you can freely and authentically live from your true self.