Since 1988, once a year we acknowledge Trauma Awareness Prevention during the month of May. Though it’s not May, we would be hard pressed to not see the effects of trauma in the lives of others as well as our own. When you think of trauma, you may think it falls in the category of a catastrophic event and while that is true, it actually varies from one person to the next. Trauma is defined by “severe emotional or mental distress caused by an experience.” I would also add to the end of that sentence …where you felt alone.

Two Types of Trauma

Trauma falls into two categories: Trauma A and Trauma B. Trauma A is the absence of things not received or given. It could come from not feeling seen because one or more caretakers worked too much, maybe you moved a lot or you were not taught how to process big emotions or maybe you weren’t even allowed to have emotions. Perhaps you weren’t celebrated or given a voice (kids are to be seen and not heard) You get the idea. The other category is Trauma B; bad things that happen to you. This involves sexual, emotional or physical abuse, abandonment, vicarious trauma through situations you experienced such as witnessing drug use. If you think of COVID and the lockdowns, masks, isolation and divisiveness. We are all steeped in a traumatic environment.

Faulty Belief Systems

When trauma is experienced in the growing formative years, belief systems are formed. These belief systems are carried out and acted on as a child matures into adulthood. We experience these faulty belief systems firsthand through knee-jerk reactions or overreactions or angry outbursts. Sometimes, well, a lot of the time we have no idea where the emotions are coming from.

Interestingly, we know intuitively how old we feel when we are in the midst of an outburst. As an example, the other day I was in a conversation with one of my kids and I could feel myself starting to react. I instantly felt like a 14-year old and even as the words were coming out of my mouth I couldn’t stop myself. I had to take a step back and check in with my 14-year old as I was reacting to an old wound at the subconscious level. My inner child was eclipsing my adult self and was steering the ship. Song of Solomon describes them as “foxes” or places hidden in our heart. Believe it or not, road rage is from unprocessed trauma coming from your inner child.

Reacting v Responding

These knee-jerk reactions and angry outbursts or shutting down and running away comes from an unprocessed traumatic experience in our inner child that we are bumping up against. Unlike our left-brain which is analytical and very much keeps track of dates and times, our right brain keeps track of experiences.

So, for instance, if you were bullied as a child and there was no one there to help you or to acknowledge your pain or to be a safe place for you to emote, when you come up against someone that is trying to intimidate you or bully you, you will react at that age both emotionally and intellectually. You may feel overwhelmed or powerless and become very angry. This is because you are trying to confront the bully as a little child. You are bumping up against the belief system that you formed about yourself because of the bullying experience.

Too Much Pain

Not long ago I was working with a client through a traumatic experience and she was unable to get in touch with the inner child in her that was in a memory that kept coming up. She explained it as she felt a block. Because our emotions are good information, I knew this was an extremely painful experience for her and the pain was too great for her to even be able to connect with her inner child. I encouraged her as an adult to sit with her, inviting Jesus to sit with them as well. Nothing needed to be done but to create some space and let time and God’s presence work it’s magic. I gently reminded her she was safe and she was not alone and would never have to go through this experience again. After several minutes her pain lifted and she was able to connect with her inner child and with Jesus’ help to bring healing to her heart.

Alive & Active

Our heart is alive and active and responsive. Our emotions matter and when we give space for our heart to speak we learn what we need. For many, knowing what you need can be very hard to identify. You were not taught to show up for yourself. If you did, it meant that you were selfish or you weren’t dying to self. Nothing could be further from the truth. Jesus instructs us to love Him first, love ourselves second and then love others. We must love Him first so we can learn to love ourselves with His love. Once we are able to love ourselves, we can authentically love others not with our love, but with the love that flows from Christ to us to others. There is nothing selfish in that.

What triggers you? Are you able to identify your inner chld?

Life Event

If you want to learn more about your inner child and how to minister to your heart, join us at our Come Home To Your Heart Life Event: Living From the Heart Jesus Gave You at Emmaus Road Healing Center. If you find yourself reacting more than responding or shutting down when things get tough or experiencing over the top reactions, join us! It’s time to rescue your inner child.

Check back for my upcoming blog on How To Show Up For Yourself – Processing Through Trauma.